Still Not Over It
Dear Dr. London,
My boyfriend and I recently broke up and I’m still not over it. The worst part is that I have to see him in school each day. It’s just so painful. How do I get over this?
Lost in Love
Dear Double L,
Thank you for submitting your question. There’s a reason why the song “Breaking Up is Hard to Do” was such a hit! It’s true. No matter your age, break-ups are tough. They’re even more difficult when you have to see the person in school each day. First things first, it is okay to feel sad. It is normal to feel sad. It is a feeling and it will pass. When we repress our feelings and try to avoid the negative emotion, it tends to stick around and possibly come out in more negative ways. So grab a box of tissues, have a good cry and eat a box of Oreos. Then start figuring out how you are going to move forward from the sad space. Here are a few helpful tips:
Get yourself a journal and write about your feelings. People find journaling extremely helpful when going through a break-up. It allows one to be reflective and release one’s emotions onto paper. Ask yourself, “What did I learn from this relationship?”, “How can I be a better partner next time?”, “What will I look for in a partner next time?” and “What are some of the signs that things were amiss so I don’t miss them next time?”.
Sublimate. Find an activity that you love and dive right into it. Do something that you are passionate about and that will distract you from feeling so badly. Get outside and be active. Nothing like endorphins to make the body feel whole again. Also, don’t go it alone. Grab your friends to do these things together. After a break-up you might feel lost and alone and you might need your friends to remind you that you are loved.
If you’ve neglected some of your friendships while you were in your relationship, reach out to your friends and tell them you need them. Apologize if you dropped them like hot potato latkes.
If you’re finding it extremely difficult to stop thinking about the person, you might want to consider blocking the person from your social media accounts. Following what they are doing and seeing their Instagram posts probably will not help your cause. It’s okay to block your ex until you are moved on and ready to see him or her having a good time without you alongside him or her.
If your break-up came out of nowhere or you simply have some unanswered questions, ask the person to have a talk. This is not a conversation to beg for the person to take you back; it’s an opportunity for you to find out why the relationship went south and help you move on from your broken heart.
Thank the person. Say what? Yes, actually thank the person (so long as he or she wasn’t abusive). Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, expressing gratitude for the good times spent together is a mature way to find closure and make things less awkward when you see the person in school. By offering thankfulness, you are demonstrating that you are a mature person and mature people can handle seeing their exes in school!
Beware of the green eyed monster. If your ex has already moved on and found someone new, try not to let their new relationship get the better of you. Your relationship is over and now both parties should, when they are ready, be able to move on without drama. Feeling jealous is to be expected but air your anger to your family and closest friends so it doesn’t get back to your ex.
Finally, there’s something really true about the cliché, “Time heals all wounds.” The passage of time is sometimes all that there is to get over a difficult break-up. Good luck!
Super Size Me
Dear Dr. London,
My girlfriend is taller than me. What should I do?
I consulted with George Costanza on this one. Have you looked into lifts?
Dear Dr. London,
My mother doesn’t like my girlfriend. What should I do?
Get used to it.
Do you ever have questions that you’re afraid to ask? Send your questions to HAWarriorword@gmail.com and see it answered in next week’s issue of the Warrior Word. No question is off limits.