School Lunch Program Promotes Weight Loss


This Thursday, RASG Hebrew Academy was presented with the national award for having the least percentage of obese students in all private schools across the country. Tormund Smith, head of the lunch program, spoke to us about how he has transformed the menu to include healthier options for students and faculty.

“I had to work with my resources,” Smith explained. “I have a virtually unlimited budget, but the school is infested with bugs, so I cook with those. Last week, I wrestled a cockroach the size of a football!  We subdued him, named him Kenny, and roasted him. That way we save money and keep the kids off the obesity spectrum.”

While Smith is extremely happy with his new lunch program, not all the students feel the same way.

“I pay full tuition,” said an unnamed senior via text message. “And even though I eat and enjoy most foods, I find the new lunches inedible and end up ordering in for me and all my friends on most days.”

“The food is repulsive,” commented a junior in a recent debate midrash.  “At least cook the bugs.  I had a salad on Tuesday and they just threw two roaches on top.  Have some pride in your presentation. It just doesn’t have that wow factor that I need.”

On the other hand, some kids are quite fond of the new system.

“I used to be super duper fat. Like extremely fat,” said Arwin Lana (12th grade). “The lunch program really helped me convert my body into something I love and take care of.”

There have been other impacts. With their new diet friendly food, Hebrew Academy students have seen their test scores soar to 1,257th place among Florida schools, nestled between the Okeechobee Academy for Nitwits and the Miami Zoo.

By: Skindiana Bones (12th grade)

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