School Starts Rat Adoption Program


“This progressive new program is both fun and educational, as students will learn the ins and outs of rodent care in a hands-on way,” said Assistant Principal Dr. Bieber. “Besides, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”

Reportedly, students will be responsible for care of the rats from the end of the High Holidays until Pesach break, at which time the rats will actually replace the students in time for their end of the year exams.

“Rats have a phenomenal retention rate with our blended learning methods,” Bieber said.  “We are in the process of getting iPad Minis for their adorable little paws.  I can’t wait to see what great things our rats will do in government!”

If the plan is successful, the entire athletic department will be replaced with a giant wheel.

Students were optimistic about the new challenges before them.  “Yay, I get to leave class and play with rats,” said Dudah Neworth (12th). “Si-i-i-i-ick!”

Student council president Daniel Chwaniel (12th) said the school has plans to expand the program to encompass cockroach adoption as well. Chwaniel added, “The rats will need someone to train them.”

By: Aaron Zilberman (12th grade)

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